Having the chance to talk with my besties during my college days did makes me feel old enough. It's rather hard to tell my student that I'm 23 though I'm still the youngest among all the teachers in the school. It's odd. I feel really old for goodness sake. I don't mind looking old anyways (though I hardly can't. People keep thinking that I'm still a student). So when my students tried to stop me when I tried to be stern with them by saying, "kalau garang nanti nampak tua", I would crankily said "Biarlah nampak tua pun". and simply laugh behind the mask of my stern-looking face.
I know I'm not really such a grumpy old lady or much of such a stern teacher. 9 of the students in the class have voted for me to be 'more garang' and most of the playful kids voted "we like it when you are not garang". Chiss-cake. I have to say that I really don't like to be mad at the students. I hardly did. But somehow, there are times when they need to know that this teacher could have turn into a lioness in a second. But it's the art of communication, when you started to turn on the fire, you really need to know when to put it off. When you started to fire them, you need to confront and comfort them back. Especially those troubled kids. If you started the fire the wrong way, just beware...it could be tragic!
One of my troubled students, once threw a cup to a female teacher who scolded them for ponteng kelas. Alhamdulillah, he never did such thing to me. These kids hardly feel like learning at all. But once they step into the classroom, we really need to celebrate them with love and care, not torture. If you want to ask them, make sure you don't raise your voice. Make it sweet and simple. But at times, when they get to much. Be stern. But make it general so you won't be seen like pointing everything to them. I have did this before, and it turns out that budak-budak yang tak bersalah pula rasa bersalah sampai bersusah-payah buat something sweet supaya saya tak marah dah. hai..comel betul.
Okay, I'm losing my point. I would say that being in a position in the working field is really different. Especially when you are living alone, away from your dearest sisters who you used to grow up with in the school of tarbiyah. So many things could have pulled your attention away. The students, the workloads, the home sweet home or much to be feared of, your own self. It's been 9 months working as a teacher in this school and I keep turning back to see how far I've been. Dissapointly, I would say that most of the time I have been stagnant. There's nothing much to be proud of myself. I would have wish to feel like having an exam at the moment, so I'll do more reflection on what I did each and everyday. It could have helped me think better to improve myself. Now I'm in a way of training and motivating my ownself each and every time. It's not easy, but I believe it's achievable by Allah's will.
Make du'a for me. I really want to make it to jannah. The greatest place to met our Dearest of all. May all of us will.
p/s: At least when I feel older, it reminds me that my time is running out.