well-oh-well

I'm not feeling well. No, I'm not sick. Just my feelings don't feel so well. uhuks..

(sigh~~)

I think I have home-sickness. Not homesick, but the sickness that occur when you have been too long at home and cannot use yourself to the maximum. I'm not a doctor, not even a medical student. But I can sense that this sickness is really bad and it is going to get worse if I don't take any action..uhuhu.

I don't know why...somehow I feel so uneasy. So lazy to even write in this blog even though I have all the time I need. 

I tried to read books, but reading does not need much physical action and again I feel myself getting weak for not acting much. Oh well, maybe I should try reading and walking at the same time, or maybe reading and jumping. I have to do lots of reading yet I feel my body need to do something more energetic. I have tried doing aerobics everyday, but I still  didn't use much of my energy. I finished all the session in senamRJ video non-stop and still don't feel tired at all. 

I'm thinking of running. Run and run with all my might. Maybe that will do..

Oh, then what is  my real problem?

I feel that I could not occupy my needs here at home. All my needs to the maximum. I want to be exhausted going here and there, doing this and that..exhaustion that brings satisfaction.

Because I'm worried.

How will I answer,

If God ask me..

"What did you do with your time? What did you do during your youth?"

Oh, God.

Forgive me. 

For I'm still having problems to optimize my ownself. 

Forgive me.. and do show me how.