Monday, September 28, 2009


Being away from the computer for days made my heart wrenched a little. It's not because I'm so into blogging but to the fact that how these few days are something very meaningful that I wish I can just pour it here to share it with others. Subhanallah, it was just so beautiful to be chosen to be given such tarbiyah from the Greatest Murabbi ever, Allahu Rabbana Himself.

The other day, I felt like crying my whole heart out. It is as if I was stuck to find the way out. It was hard, my head is spinning and I wanted so much to lie cuddling myself under a comfy blanket. I wish to go to sleep, hopefully things will get better when I woke up. But I didn't do that. Instead, I still went to the daurah to meet those sisters whom I happened not to know them yet. I have to admit being someone who can hardly hide her own feelings, it was not easy to make myself looks warm and happy most of the time. Hopefully, they will not see that gloomy shade of me at our first meeting. Alhamdulillah, Allah helped me a lot. I am much happier and relieved.

Yet, it was not just that.
Allah has lighten up my heart and it feels so good to be revived with such meetings in the remembarance of Him. Somehow, I can feel the connection of each sharings given with my condition. Yes, Allah knows better. and it feels even good when we realize that the test given was to keep our heart at a level of remembering Him at most.

I was a little late actually, just on time for the sharing on Fiqh Sirah. Learning how Rasulullah handled his mother's death when he was only six years old sparked me a little. He got his strength when things went despair, and shouldn't I be like that too? Rasulullah was alone yet he knows if it was not he himself has to do something, no one will. and that is how He have the strengths to make a change to his people. If it is not me to stand up and solve the problem, no one will. If it is not me to stand up, face the monster and fight it, no one will. It should starts with me.

The second sharing on 'Thumuhat' was really inspiring. Masya Allah, I have a few plans ahead. But I never know if I have enough Dzaka Imaniyah to actually realize that Thumuhat. Got to work harder on my ownself, yes.

Al-Muzammil was such a call to me. Another knock-out. It snapped me right to the middle of my face. The harder the test, the harder should I get myself connected to God. The harder should I struggle to have such qualities in my qiyam. The harder should I helped myself with the words of God. Subhanallah, subhanallah, subhanallah. One year round, qiyam was a compulsary to the muslims. Allah wanted to strengthen them with qiyam. So should I!

Last but not least, the sharing on Ihsan. Beautiful indeed. I should and I will (Insya Allah) be more concern with whatever I am doing. I should be curious with my ownself. Did I do this and that merely for the sake of Allah? I should always recheck my niat. I should work hard to do something for the sake of Allah as perfect as it could be. I should be really care of whatever I do. Subhanallah, what a list of resolutions from such simple gathering! Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

Allah has given me problems to solve,
yet He shows me the ways to solve it.
and He keep reminding me that He is there to help me
through every thick and thin.

If at one time we happen not to feel that closeness
or apparently losing the feelings towards Him,
we should be helping ourselves to do something that may please Him.
Keep on reflecting
where did we go wrong.

Seeking Allah's love.
Living in the pursuit of His pleasure.

Photo by Erik Johansson

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