I tried to find her at her usual place
but I couldn't feel her presence there
I felt like I have been running in an empty dark tunnel without an end
not even a single sound could be heard
not a glint of light could be seen.
Could I have been blind at the moment?
I couldn't find her
nor I have ever see her
but I always know when she is there
I know, because I can feel her
when she is near.
But today I felt as if she wasn't there
I couldn't help myself but cried
What have I done to her?
Have I lost her?
No, please don't make me lose her!
I need her
I can't live without her!
Suddenly I felt the blanket of darkness becomes thicker
I cried even harder
Oh please, dear God!
She is my one and only torch to find You
and I need her to be lighted
I need her to show me the way towards You
I could have lost my entire life and the eternal bliss without her.
Oh, dear God!
don't let her die out of sickness!
Forgive me, ya Afuw!
I need that sound heart to be with You.
Have mercy on me,
I wanted to be with You so much, dear God
that I need that heart to be the torch
and help along the way
till I breathe my last breathe
and as syahidah for the ummah.