Have mercy on me!

I tried to find her at her usual place

but I couldn't feel her presence there

I felt like I have been running in an empty dark tunnel without an end

not even a single sound could be heard

not a glint of light could be seen.

 

Could I have been blind at the moment?

I couldn't find her

nor I have ever see her

but I always know when she is there

I know, because I can feel her

when she is near.

 

But today I felt as if she wasn't there

I couldn't help myself but cried

What have I done to her?

Have I lost her?

No, please don't make me lose her!

I need her

I can't live without her!

 

Suddenly I felt the blanket of darkness becomes thicker

I cried even harder

Oh please, dear God!

She is my one and only torch to find You

and I need her to be lighted

I need her to show me the way towards You

I could have lost my entire life and the eternal bliss without her.

 

Oh, dear God!

don't let her die out of sickness!

Forgive me, ya Afuw!

 

I need that sound heart to be with You.

Have mercy on me,

I wanted to be with You so much, dear God

that I need that heart to be the torch

and help along the way

till I breathe my last breathe

with syahadah

and as syahidah for the ummah.